I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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