just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
