Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
