watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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