Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
