Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
