i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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