Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
