you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
