Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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