I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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