I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
