he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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