haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
