I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
