i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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