I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
