Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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