so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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