she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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