It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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