omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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