He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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