Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
