a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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