So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
