just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
