She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
