It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
