I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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