next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
