it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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