The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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