Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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