I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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