Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I came so hard my ears popped.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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