u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
