I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I understand Curling. That high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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