I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
