why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
