The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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