I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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