im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
