i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this boner is exhausting
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
