Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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