I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
