Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
