Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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