Your dad touched me again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
