i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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