He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
