I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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