That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
