So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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