The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
