Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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