Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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