It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize