you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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