I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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