you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
