I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
