I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
