the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
