I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
