I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
