One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
