I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
