You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
