I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.