My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
