Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down