You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit