There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.