just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
