Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
