I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
