i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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