Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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