Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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