so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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