Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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