a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
